Saturday, April 02, 2005


Another load of Polaccs

I got to thinking about POLACCs again when reading back through my previous posts and, as luck would have it one of my ex-colleagues, came in to the Control Room to say cheerio – he was retiring to Spain. As a bit of an aside he sold up his house in Abingdon last year for a phenomenal sum and rented whilst he has bought a penthouse flat on a well known seaside Golf complex in Spain. He can see the Golf course on one side and the sea on the other – and in between he could see at least 60 different places to eat and drink – Bastard – I hate it when it does that! He sent me a post card – sold his car and bought an electric golf buggy and having a lovely time. Anyway – he was famous on the force for being either the top or second top police car destroyer – in his 30 years he managed to write off 23 or maybe 24 police cars (the other contender is still serving and is a definite 23 ) We are not sure if the car he wrote off on his driving course (refresher) counts ! His last one was a classic.
“All units, observations for a stolen vehicle, a red Vauxhall Corsa, ABC123D, last Seen Marcham Road towards town centre”
Now friend Fred was going out of town on Ock St – which leads to Marcham road.
“ME101”, I’m on Ock St towards the mini roundabouts with Marcham Road, this time when was last sighting?”
“Last sighting 1 minute ago Tesco’s towards town”
“ME101, Roger – can see a red Corsa coming towards the mini roundabouts”
At this point Fred is in traffic which is beginning to slow down for the aforesaid roundabouts. The occupants of the Corsa go straight across the mini roundabouts and up Ock St towards town at full ramming speed. Now this is where it all goes horribly wrong. As they pass Fred, he tries to do three things at once – look round, speak into the mike and control the car which is rolling steadily at 30 mph towards the roundabouts.
“ME101, car sighted two male occs (LOUD AND HORRIBLE CRUNCH)Oh F****K” Silence
It would appear that Fred had forgotten number three and his panda car had sailed at 30 mph straight into the back of a car which had stopped into the queue for the roundabout – Newton takes over and pushes the second car into the third etc – by the time three cars had crunched the energy had been expended !!
As usual the expectant hush on the radio
“ME101 – lost sight of the suspect veh which was making towards town centre down Ock Streed at high speed”
“Roger ME101, anything else to report ??”
Sniggers over the radio.
“Ah yes, I’ve had a slight POLACC” - Slight !!! four cars written off plus whiplash and all the attendant investigation which closed the main street out of Abingdon for about 4 hours while the Accident investigation branch tried in vain to lighten his life a bit – No chance, 3 points on his licence, a fine and walking for the last year of his service !! – The Corsa was caught on the one way system by a traffic unit who had snuck in quietly on the back road from Oxford and cut him off in the Vineyard – just to add insult to Fred’s injury !
Evenin All

Not that this was an official POLACC but it will do for banter.

A friend of mine and another special took a van out for a patrol of some sort and decided to go to the local supermarket for some lunch. The only problem was they forgot the height restriction. The blue lights ontop of the van were smashed! They parked the van round the corner and went into the supermarket and got some super glue and sandwiches... nothing fishey there...

On glueing the bits of plastic back to the light cover they dicovered a piece missing. After rummaging through the local under-growth they found a dead bird and shoved it in the hole. Apparently the sergeant brought the "The bird must of flown into the light searge!"...hehe
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