Thursday, March 17, 2005


Tales from the Training School

More from the archives of the youthfull PC Mog – (I must admit at this stage that I was actually never a youthfull PC Mog – having served Queen and Country as a squaddie for 12 years before joining “The Job” as it is universally known). I was however, fit and keen – I could not believe how unfit some of the other recruits were at the Police Training College – even at 18 years old they were fat and wheezing and a lot of us ex-service types ran rings round them ! A couple of fondly remembered incidents from the dreaded Eynsham Hall Training College. We used to prance about in the Gym in shorts and plimmies learning what the instructors called self defence – Having learned a much nastier version called kill the bastard before he gets a chance at you I kept quiet on these lessons, along with the other ex servicemen and several other re-joining policemen. Up jumps the instructor waving his cardboard cut out knife about. He pulls out an unwilling ex City of London re-joiner “What would you do if I came at you with a knife in my hand “ “This” said Trevor and pulled up his tee shirt to expose a foot long scar right across his abdomen ! Apparantly he was on a raid on a drinking club when he was in the job – he was in the lead going down the steps into the club being pushed by the press of Officers behind him – straight onto the knife of the ungodly bastard coming up stairs trying to get away – he spent three months in hospital – “Ah” sez the instructor, “fall back in”. You would have thought he would have learned his lesson but no – He pulls out an ex serviceman again – I don’t know whether he thought that as Brian was ex RAF he might not have been trained in the kill the bastard school of defence but there he went prancing about with the cardboard cut out ! “Try and kick me in the balls” he shouts to Brian. Brian gently waves a foot at him
“No, you namby pampy Crab”,(derogatory term for RAF- Fly Navy, Sail Army, walk sideways!!) “Try harder than that” – At this point, Brian who, before he retired from the RAF was the Combined Services full contact Karate champion – sort of quietly sighed and without any extraneous movement at all – “THWACK” You hardly saw his leg move at all as it was so fast – Upshot was the instructor writhing about on the mat with severe genital contusions and Brian quietly ambling back into the pack
After that we quietly concentrated on Aikido holds and trying to talk our way out of trouble – but that’s another story
Mornin all

"But what if he's got a pointed stick?"

The preferred method - in accordance with the official "kill the bastard" training is an "X" block as he comes toward you with it full twist to the ground, remove stick from hands (as wrist broken by twist) then "Sit him on it - till his eyes water"
Surely you eat the stick, thus rendering him harmless?

Could be worse, you could have had to learn "social worker fu", restraining madmen and (large)juveniles without any form of strikes, or any grips where you might break something.

I always thought the quickest way to restrain someone was to break something...

I have to laugh ,
During one of my own officer saftey class's i was ambling in the back tring to be qute and just get thru the class with the least of effort due to the heavy drinking session the night before. Of course the OST guy spots my lack of attention and singles me out to " demo a member of public with a club " as he comes towards myself with right had raised with a soft batton in hand and shouting " ill fucking kill you pig" he steps in to my fighting arc and i calmy place my right hand on his chin my left on the batton and step inside his left and flip him over on to his back and i turned and handcuffed him in a rear stack postion before he knew what happend....

he didnt ask what I did before...
I suppode 7 years as a RMP does count for something ..
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