Thursday, January 06, 2005



I went to a murder once ! – There I was doing a meal relief for the Station Duty Officer, leaning on the front counter and minding my own business when the Front door opens and in comes this little old lady – all dressed in black and walking all hunched over as they do.
“I’ve murdered me ‘usband” says she
“Ok” says I, “take a seat and we’ll get you a cup of tea”
Off I go and get a cup of tea from the switchboard lady
Old girl still sitting in the front office, takes tea and starts slurping. Shortly afterwards the SDO re-appears. Find another officer in the back yard
“Oi, Dave, we’ve got a murderer in the front office, have you got a car ?”
“affirmative”, says he (been watching too many American Cop dramas has Dave)
So we go round to the front where I go in, and tell the old lady we are giving her a lift home. She gets quietly into the car and tells where she lives. A little village outside the main town. We pull up at her isolated cottage and she waits in the car whilst Dave and I go round the side as we have noticed that the back door is open.
Push the door open and
Look a bit closer and there he is flat on his face with an axe stuck right through the back of his head. At this point we turn more than marginally green. Training takes over and we start shouting incoherently down the radio.!!
Eventually we remember the little old lady and there she is still sitting serenely in the back of the police car.
When the dust settles and she is eventually interviewed by the Detective Inspector – “All right Shag, I’ll take it from here” –(he called everybody Shag for some reason)
Dave, being a bit more street savvy that me, says
“Hang on Guv”(he’d been watching too much Sweeny)
Wait till the Custody Sergeant has booked her in. This ensures that Dave’s and my name are on the top of the Charge Sheet “Arrested on suspicion of Murder” A small but valid point when commendations are handed out.
Anyway it was a moot point as there was never going to be any trial ! – What happened was:-
Her husband had a distinct “sniff” every time he said something – and having done this every time he spoke for the 50 odd years they had been married she apparently got p*****d off with this and said “if you do that one more time I’ll kill you”
“sniff, Wh***” WHOMP and there he was “as a door nail”
as the old saying goes.
She was quietly committed at the “Queens pleasure”
It’s a funny old world
Evenin All

Here in the states, if she'd had a decent lawyer, she might've got off for justifiable homicide...
that's probably right - wait for the next death I wen't to - it gets worse !! - This one wasn't so funny but still pretty stupid !
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