Saturday, November 27, 2004


Sanctimonius Bastard Sergeant

There once was a Police Sergeant, Welsh he was, and very “Chapel” with it. Lots of fire and brimstone look you and very straight laced. It is a well known fact that Police marriages are on shaky ground right from the off and the national averages run at more than two out of three breaking up. Very scathing about that was our Dai ! “You want to learn to keep your trousers buttoned” (very old fashioned was he – we had zip flies even then !) Fire and brimstone for the fornicators - It was inevitable ! The new WPC arrives and good old cupid fires his flaming arrow straight through our god fearing boss. Like a three balled tom cat was he, his tongue dragging along the ground, new after-shave (Thug or Rut or some such heavy musk) and lo and behold the maiden (actually someone else’s Mrs) was also struck by this blue clad sex god. It began to get noticeable, meal breaks taken at the same time. WPC **** , there are some observations to be kept on such and such premises tonight – I’ll take a plain car and pick up at 0200 hrs and we’ll stake it out. They even sat together in the canteen – the miserable bastard would never sit with the shift normally, in case someone asked him to buy the tea ! He even started to take her out in the Sgt’s car “to check on the unoccupied premises – Hah !
The wheels of the shift cunning bastard turn and we decide to try and catch them “at it”. Now comes the best bit. High Wycombe, for that is where this story is based, is a town of many, and bloody steep, hills. Of they go, on nights “checking unnoccs”, and the troops fan out to keep an eye out for the Sgt’s car. Time passes and about an hour later we get a sighting report – Sgt’s car parked at the top of the station car park in dark shadow, with the proverbial steamed up windows and bouncing up and down !! Just as the troops are mustering for the big finale the car begins to slowly roll down the hill – it picks up speed quickly and smashes into another car – doors open and trouser less Sgt and WPC with skirt up round middle leaping out – lots of bad language – apparently when he got to the short strokes he managed to lean on the hand brake and away we go ! Of course the senior PC is immediately on hand – The explanations get sillier by the minute – Of course it all comes out in the enquiry – Sgt gets posted out (sanctimonious bastard) WPC loses husband – he gets suspended from driving and his wife takes him for every penny he’s got (I think he’s still paying now !!)and that is one of the best illustrations of living in a glass house and throwing stones I know of
Evenin all

Something very similar happened in the Grey Toon. It was very highly publicised though! I share the same name of one of the guilty parties unfortunately.

... Which lead to ALL sorts of hilarious phonecalls :P
Its the same the whole world over - its the poor wot get's the blame, its the rich wot get's the pleasure aint it all a bloody shame (or so says the song !!!)
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