Thursday, July 20, 2006

 

Hodilades

Orf to Norfolk to find me ancestors ! back in three weeks or so - never if I win the lottery
Ciao

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

 

Animal Cruelty

Old Scary does spark memories - Can't remember whether I have already dragged this one out of its quiet retirement or not. But - anyway - here goes.
A couple of colleagues were called to an "animal RTA" - caller said he had hit a cat whilst driving down a local road. He had stopped but the cat had disappeared. He thought it may be hurt as he was going at a fair speed on impact. Now according to the definition in the Road Traffic Act, hitting a cat is not one of the "recordable" accidents under statute therefore it did not have to be entered in all manner of long and complex forms and registers that were extant. So off the brave duo go with thoughts of an easy job - no paperwork !! Arriving in the vicinity they start a bit of a search down the side of the road - and sure enough they see a mangy, half blind sort of elderly cat staggering about on three and a half legs through the bushes. One of the good old boys says - "Poor old thing, I'll put it out of its misery", pulls out his trusty truncheon (in those days we had a "turned" wooden, polished truncheon with a leather strap !) then proceeds to "peg" it one, and, sure enough, poor old cat expires. Wraps it in old large evidence bag and puts into boot of panda, to take to local vet to "dispose" of. Thinking job done they were just about to take off when they were approached by a little old lady - "Have you seen my little old pussy?"
(exteremely crude, and extraneous comment removed) The boys reply in the negative.
At this point a young and fairly sleek cat staggers out of the bushes and collapses and dies infront of them - by the state of it, its obviously been in an accident. "This one?", one asks the old girl "No she says, Old pussy was a bit mangy, half blind and staggered about on three and a bit legs". Exit the boys stage left looking elsewhere and whistling innocently !!! Sorry - not seen it - Oooops ! She never did find it !
another police cover up
cheers
mystic

Monday, July 17, 2006

 

I Hate Jeremy 'Kin Clarkson

Rant from sad caravanner - Having watched, what is normally my favourite programme of the week "Top Gear" last night I found myself getting more and more heated up with Jermey's increasingly juvenile prattlings about caravans. I can normally live with his abberations but last night was the last straw. What he apparantly does not seem to realise is that some of the great unwashed think he is being entirely serious and that such things as setting light to caravans, reversing into people's awnings and holding up traffic are being done for real and not "staged" for effect - GRRRRRR! Also the piece about accelerating out of a "snake" is not only wrong but can be extremely dangerous if tried - the man is a complete Twat !
Going off to cool down before I say something I may regret
looking back in anger
mystic

Thursday, July 13, 2006

 

Ode or Odd ??

I thought for a time
I would blog in rhyme
but perhaps it's crass
to sit on my A**s
and pontificate
about the state
of my life
whilst being "on line"
She who must be obeyed was once the Secretary of the Balinese Cat Society, and one of her duties was to produce a quarterly magazine. This had helpfull articles, Cat Show results and other literary gems. As with all such publications there were never enough articles to fill the pages - so muggins here started writing "Pomes"- Being a Literary snob I tried to use all manner of tricks from Blank verse to iambic pentameter - but mostly ended up with limericks !!Which appeared to be the most popular with them punters - The fact that we bred cats (siamese, balinese and devon rex) is the reason I ended up being the "Mog" and the good lady who did the fortune telling completed the other half of my tag - so there you are ! Any way I hear you ask - what relevance has this to blogging - none at all says I but it satisfies my pretensions and one day I hope to collect all my gems, and get herself (who really is a talented artist) to illustrate it. I keep reading other blogs, whose authors have written books - so like most of us in cyber world I harbour the secret thought of being the next Thurber (or in my case very probably Walter Mitty!!)
Ah well crack another bottle of Pomeroy's ordinary
swing the lamp and I'll tell you another war story
cheers
mystic

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

 

Prisoners !

Reading through one of the Service Blogs (Brian's brief encounters) where he arrested Osama Bin Laden reminded me of one of our finest hours. The day we took the first prisoner of the Gulf War !! It so happens that on our patch is the Royal Military College of Science at Shrivenham. This August establishment has long term engineering and Science courses for officers from countries all over the world. Lo and behold there was an Iraqi Major on a course there. As soon as hostilities were about to be announced a telex arrives from "Them in London" To go capture this enemy alien immediately - if not before. So boots and saddles two village bobbies in a somewhat ancient ford escort whiz off - all right - crawl off to where the chap had rented a house for his two year course. Strangely enough he was there - sitting on his suitcases, having sent his family off to relatives - all ready to go - He seems quite happy to be arrested and interned for the duration - can't for the life of me think why !! We never got a medal for this !
rats
evenin all
Mystic


Monday, July 10, 2006

 

The Silly Season

Well peeps the silly season is officially upon us. The weather is warm enough for the hoi poloi to be out drinking themselves into insensibility and the barbies are out causing fires. Food poisoning in all directions (at least two staff off sick with"upset tummies" ! ) A selection of the seasonal offerings - "The smoke from the neighbour's barbie is ruining my washing" (at 9 o'clock at night ??) "The party has been going on for at least two hours now - I want the music stopped immediately!" "England has been knocked out of the World Cup now but my neighbour refuses to take his flags down" - Heigh Ho - plus la change etc !
PS I wonder what he said to Zinadine to provoke that reaction !
cheers
mystic

Monday, July 03, 2006

 

Not Cricket !!

Just back from a jolly nice week away in me sad caravan. Spent a few days on the river bank at Radcot in a really super location known as the "Cricket Bat" field. This not because they play cricket on it - but, as the name actually implies it has lots of Willow trees - which they cut down and make cricket bats out of ! When we were last there the trees were large and majestic (some 8 or 9 years ago - now rows of stumps with lots of smaller willows and only a few of the larger ones - They been harvesting them trees - and after I had told all and sundry that the field was shady with the rows of trees ! All manner of cock ups- the upshot being me voted as the "Wally of the Weekend" - for which I got a nice little plaque and the tenure of the "Wally" cup for the weekend ! First of all I made a "Big" spelling error on the letter we give to all the ralliers ! Then brought the wrong leads for the stereo set (muzac for the masses for the Saturday night social)
Aside "Did you know I have a criminal record?" "Yes - Des O'Connor's Greatest Hits !!"" "Boom Boom - It gets worse - So anyway had to park up Big Ange by the marquee and use the enormous, high quality, CD player they put in Range Rovers (along with the 14 Harmon Kardon Speakers etc) - Lucky they did not want it too loud or it would have flattened the battery !
As it was, it was fine until I hooked up the van on Sunday evening, started the drive home and put on the stereo - AAARGH - forgot to change the CDs in the cassette - and was not gently chilled by the dulcet tones of Lemmie from Motorhead - but the best of Riff Pilchard and the Shadblots - great Zot - nearly drove into the river. Great weekend though (other than the Footy !) Lots of boats making their way to the Pub at Radcot - which had a big projection TV in a marquee in the garden - All the boats on the way down covered in bunting and St George flags and none on the way back !! Nuff said!
back to the grindstone - or as the old joke says
"Tea break over lads, Back on your heads"
Evenin all
Mystic

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?