Thursday, July 20, 2006
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
A couple of colleagues were called to an "animal RTA" - caller said he had hit a cat whilst driving down a local road. He had stopped but the cat had disappeared. He thought it may be hurt as he was going at a fair speed on impact. Now according to the definition in the Road Traffic Act, hitting a cat is not one of the "recordable" accidents under statute therefore it did not have to be entered in all manner of long and complex forms and registers that were extant. So off the brave duo go with thoughts of an easy job - no paperwork !! Arriving in the vicinity they start a bit of a search down the side of the road - and sure enough they see a mangy, half blind sort of elderly cat staggering about on three and a half legs through the bushes. One of the good old boys says - "Poor old thing, I'll put it out of its misery", pulls out his trusty truncheon (in those days we had a "turned" wooden, polished truncheon with a leather strap !) then proceeds to "peg" it one, and, sure enough, poor old cat expires. Wraps it in old large evidence bag and puts into boot of panda, to take to local vet to "dispose" of. Thinking job done they were just about to take off when they were approached by a little old lady - "Have you seen my little old pussy?"
(exteremely crude, and extraneous comment removed) The boys reply in the negative.
At this point a young and fairly sleek cat staggers out of the bushes and collapses and dies infront of them - by the state of it, its obviously been in an accident. "This one?", one asks the old girl "No she says, Old pussy was a bit mangy, half blind and staggered about on three and a bit legs". Exit the boys stage left looking elsewhere and whistling innocently !!! Sorry - not seen it - Oooops ! She never did find it !
another police cover up
Monday, July 17, 2006
I Hate Jeremy 'Kin Clarkson
Going off to cool down before I say something I may regret
looking back in anger
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Ode or Odd ??
I would blog in rhyme
but perhaps it's crass
to sit on my A**s
about the state
of my life
whilst being "on line"
She who must be obeyed was once the Secretary of the Balinese Cat Society, and one of her duties was to produce a quarterly magazine. This had helpfull articles, Cat Show results and other literary gems. As with all such publications there were never enough articles to fill the pages - so muggins here started writing "Pomes"- Being a Literary snob I tried to use all manner of tricks from Blank verse to iambic pentameter - but mostly ended up with limericks !!Which appeared to be the most popular with them punters - The fact that we bred cats (siamese, balinese and devon rex) is the reason I ended up being the "Mog" and the good lady who did the fortune telling completed the other half of my tag - so there you are ! Any way I hear you ask - what relevance has this to blogging - none at all says I but it satisfies my pretensions and one day I hope to collect all my gems, and get herself (who really is a talented artist) to illustrate it. I keep reading other blogs, whose authors have written books - so like most of us in cyber world I harbour the secret thought of being the next Thurber (or in my case very probably Walter Mitty!!)
Ah well crack another bottle of Pomeroy's ordinary
swing the lamp and I'll tell you another war story
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Monday, July 10, 2006
The Silly Season
PS I wonder what he said to Zinadine to provoke that reaction !
Monday, July 03, 2006
Not Cricket !!
Aside "Did you know I have a criminal record?" "Yes - Des O'Connor's Greatest Hits !!"" "Boom Boom - It gets worse - So anyway had to park up Big Ange by the marquee and use the enormous, high quality, CD player they put in Range Rovers (along with the 14 Harmon Kardon Speakers etc) - Lucky they did not want it too loud or it would have flattened the battery !
As it was, it was fine until I hooked up the van on Sunday evening, started the drive home and put on the stereo - AAARGH - forgot to change the CDs in the cassette - and was not gently chilled by the dulcet tones of Lemmie from Motorhead - but the best of Riff Pilchard and the Shadblots - great Zot - nearly drove into the river. Great weekend though (other than the Footy !) Lots of boats making their way to the Pub at Radcot - which had a big projection TV in a marquee in the garden - All the boats on the way down covered in bunting and St George flags and none on the way back !! Nuff said!
back to the grindstone - or as the old joke says
"Tea break over lads, Back on your heads"